Major Project: Script Feedback 3

Major Project: Script Feedback

As part of my continuing role as producer on this project, I made sure to keep up to date with any developments in the script. And give my honest critical opinions on it so that it could be changed for the better. Below you can read my thoughts and feedback on the latest version of the script.

It feels so much more personal than it did before! The changes I suggested in earlier notes really helped with this and I can see it more clearly now.


I think there’s a nice mix of personal moments and comedic moments in there. It's nice to have a balance of emotions in the film.


The only points I would still like to emphasise you could still add more of a lead up to the racing licence. There’s a lot of emphasis on it during the sequence, and you mention it at the beginning which is really good. But maybe just a line or two after you finish your interview with Billy or something that says like “next is the racing licence, I’m not looking forward to it but I understand it’s an important part of achieving my goal etc ”


^^Something like that, which puts a little more emphasis on it otherwise to me at least the segway in to the sequence doesn’t feel as natural.


I think It’s good that we revisit the fitness bit too. Its important to answer the question we've set out with.


I think it's already been noted, not sure, but it’d be good to have a little mini montage just before the race day/in the lead up to it, (or maybe mixed in with car shots of you in your way to the race) that just highlights your last big push before the race. E.g. clips of you and on an exercise bike, visiting the South Downs, packing away your helmet and gear and stuff etc. This montage would do well to hype up the day and quicken the pace of the narrative towards the end.


I do wonder if we could have a tiny little bit more info on why fitness is so important in motorsport and why you need to do certain things, to help out the audience. But of course not too detailed since you don’t want it to sound like a “how to” documentary.


Also I’m aware we’re already very tied for time in terms of fitting everything in, but apart from Sam, the only other racing expert you speak to is Billy (and you don’t really speak to him about racing in detail). Now although like we established this shouldn’t fall in to the “how to documentary” trap. But just a brief clip of a driver or someone giving you pointers or advice or explaining some area of the sport might help the narrative.


Since you clearly know what you need to do, but we don’t know how you know that this is what you need to do (if that makes any sense aha ). There were aspects of this in Drift queen where mechanics would tell her something or other drivers (maybe even Sam could give some more detailed/specific advice) I feel like someone else (possibly with tied to motorsport) explaining at least part of what you need to do to achieve your dream, might be beneficial, idk that’s just my opinion looking at it from an outsiders perspective.


But In general really liking this latest version, it feels so much more refined and personal and I can more clearly visualise this documentary (and it's a successful narrative). Alex has done a really good job of reflecting/taking on board my previous notes.