Major Project: Script Feedback 1

Major Project: Script Feedback

As part of my role as producer on this project, I made it my business to read and review each of Alex's script drafts. Giving my thoughts and feedback on each version. Below you can read my feedback on the 1st draft of Alex's script.

The Race Day comes out of nowhere, there is very little mention of it until the end. Despite the PTC's and interviews there just doesn't feel enough set up for it. It isn’t something that is clarified early on. Ideally it should be set up in the opening page.


Elaborate more on where your dream sort of started. In particular your first-time go-karting. When exactly did you first go, what was that experience like, why have you kept coming back, how big of a role did this play in kickstarting your dream?


Obviously, we won’t know what our contributors will say at this point, but it’ll be worth mentioning some of the specifics that we learn from interviewees such as young kart drivers. Even if its just estimated dialogue based on the questions. 

In the fitness sequence, you have written a re-cap at the end. But rather than just summing it up yourself, do we not also want to hear from the fitness instructor about your progress?


I'm really liking the PTC’s where you talk about the first race you went to see. It's powerful material that gives your character background and sets up your passion. 

Good delivery of “the facts”. The script seems to be quite informative and easy to follow. Its interesting to see that there are a lot of hard truths, but thats life and you've done a good job of representing that!


We get really emotionally invested the further through the script we get, it's great to be able to see that at an early stage.


Billy Mounger sounds like our best contributor so far. It would seem he is an inspiration to you and there's lots you can learn from him.


You haven’t explained much of the process you have to go through to race. We want to understand all the steps required, and have an in-depth story about how you got to where you end up, not just watch them in a montage.


I'm glad we get to speak to Sam, he’s going to be a good contributor and help our audience understand more about the journey.



It feels like we could do with some reaction shots from family members during/after your race. It would help create that emotionally powerful ending that we lead up to.


Overall, really good work. It gets really strong towards the end and asks the right questions I think.

But it could do with a bit of fleshing out/more detail in places.


I’d really like to see a few more PTC’s outside the diary room, to the audience follow you emotionally through the process.

Maybe more where you look through old photos/videos or more in the lead up to the big day (with the one the day before the race being even bigger).